I’ve been struggling lately with how I should define my sexuality.
For the longest time it hasn’t been an issue; I don’t date, I don’t have a sexual partner, and I don’t really want either. (I’m not averse to the idea, it’s just I’ve had Other Things going on that don’t leave time for pursuing romantic interests.)
Point is, I’ve been drifting behind the boat of Assumed Heterosexuality pretty much all my life.
But the older I get, and the more I examine myself, the more I realize that this will not do. Because, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that I’m not straight.
First: Come here.
Second: As someone who occasionally wishes he could opt out of sexuality entirely and go back to not being bothered with any of those feelings at all, mightn’t asexual be appropriate for this hypothetical default orientation? mothmonarch? Asexuals of the internet? Your thoughts?
Third: what dipshit hears “pansexual” and thinks “Sexually attracted to kitchenware?” Like, with prefixes like “hetro,” “homo,” “bi,” “demi,” and “a,” how the fuck do you do that? What’s next? People thinking “bisexual” means “attracted to bicycles?” Gawd.
The best option is not to assume anything of a person of unknown orientation. Asexuality is generally defined as not being sexually attracted to anyone (male/female/non-binary or other), which might sound like a good “default” on paper, but I’m not so sure it would hold up in practice. Even among asexuals there is a lot of variation - some still perform sexual acts (by themselves, with others, or both), others are repulsed or entirely disinterested. Some experience romantic feelings (as distinct from sexual attraction) while others don’t. Honestly, the most respectful and least complicated “default” would be something like Undeclared. That would have a lot of interesting effects on how sexuality is discussed and thought about and the nature of “coming out,” but that’s another post for a less moth-centric blog.